Mike Slinn

Connoisseur of Technology

Cult of the Software God

2008-04-28 / All Blog posts

I invented a 'religion' in the mid-80s. Admittedly, it was done in jest, but I find that I make frequent reference to it and so it deserves a mention lest people I converse with find me just babbling. Have no fear, other whacked-out religions exist with high-profile devotees (you know some, I'm sure) so I'm in good company.

The religion is called "The Cult of the Software God", and this god oversees technical and financial success for software entrepreneurs and IT workers. Like many ancient religions of days gone by, the Software God requires sacrifices, which amounts to the destruction of software media. At one time he/she/it was content when I would hold a 5.25" floppy disk over a garbage can and cut it up, while intoning praises to "the great Software God" and praying that the bits stored on the media be returned to their maker, but this is a God of the Geeks, and he/she/it has kept up with advances in storage media.

When 3.5" diskettes became available, the Software God soon lost interest in clunky old floppy disks and demanded sacrifices of the smaller rigid diskettes instead. I, as High Priest of the Cult, interpreted the wishes of the Software God and used a Sacred Hammer stored on a bench near our diskette duplicating station to smash up diskettes that had write errors during the duplication process. "Oh great Software God", I would say. "We humbly beseech you to accept this offering and pray that you bring abundance and a measurable quality improvement to our next release."

Time moved on, I moved to other ventures, and yet I never abandoned my role as High Priest of the Cult of the Software God. Occasionally I would snap CDs in half in the name of the Software God when a write error occurred, and moved on to DVDs. I even used a blowtorch on a RLL-encoded 5.25" hard drive and ground my heel on a flash drive, while singing praises to the Software God.

You might think I had too much time on my hands. Certainly I am at least eccentric. Yet there is more!

As High Priest of the Cult of the Software God, I became aware that he/she/it is also fed by /dev/null. Where do you think bits piped to /dev/null go, anyway? Why, they nourish the Software God, of course! You can turn this otherwise wasted gift to the Software God into a sacrificial offering simply by making a prayer as the bits are piped. Of course, since the Software God is a god for the geeks and by the geeks, automation counts. That is why I wrote a program in the late 90s (since lost) that would print out any prayer you desired on the screen, over and over... rather like how prayer wheels work.

Next time you really need your computer to not crash while running a semi-stable program, or have a serious virus infestation, remember the Cult of the Software God. He/she/it is virtually there for you. ;)


Contact Mike Slinn

Unless you are a recruiter, in which case you should not try to make contact!

  • Email
  • Direct: 514-418-0156
  • Mobile: 650-678-2285

Disclaimer

The content on this web site is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal or other professional advice or an opinion of any kind. Users of this web site are advised to seek specific legal advice by contacting their own legal counsel regarding any specific legal issues. Michael Slinn does not warrant or guarantee the quality, accuracy or completeness of any information on this web site. The articles published on this web site are current as of their original date of publication, but should not be relied upon as accurate, timely or fit for any particular purpose.

Accessing or using this web site does not create a client relationship. Although your use of the web site may facilitate access to or communications with Michael Slinn via e-mail or otherwise via the web site, receipt of any such communications or transmissions does not create a client relationship. Michael Slinn does not guarantee the security or confidentiality of any communications made by e-mail or otherwise through this web site.

This web site may contain links to third party web sites. Monitoring the vast information disseminated and accessible through those links is beyond Michael Slinn's resources and he does not attempt to do so. Links are provided for convenience only and Michael Slinn does not endorse the information contained in linked web sites nor guarantee its accuracy, timeliness or fitness for a particular purpose.


comments powered by Disqus

© 1976-2020, Michael Slinn. All rights reserved.